This weekend has been a learning experience and emotional roller coaster for me in terms of trail running.

Monday I experienced one end of the spectrum – complete, utter happiness and 100% in love with the idea of spending the majority of my miles on trails rather than treadmill or pavement. Jumping the huge mud puddles made me feel like a kid again and the fresh air gave me life and energy in the middle of a long work day. I told Renaud that there was no other way I’d rather spend my lunch hour than on the trail with him. In fact, I practically begged him to do it at least once a week moving forward.  Even though we only ran 4 miles they felt stronger and more challenging than normal due to the hills and core engagement needed when going down and maneuvering along the path.

Clearly my endorphins took over my brain yesterday afternoon when Renaud came by my desk and asked if I wanted to run the Saleve with him before work today. Each of the two times I’ve run the Saleve with him I have been endorphin happy for weeks and absolutely loved the experience.  My first experience on the Saleve was almost a year ago and my second one was back in November.  Therefore I didn’t fear the temperatures or the snow as I’ve run through both of these during each of the two experiences.

Keeping in mind the fact that I have a trail race in June and that one of my personal goals this year is to become a stronger runner, I eagerly said yes. I trust Renaud and knew that he would provide a headlamp and keep me company along the path.

Even after going to bed well past 11 due to a longer than normal girl’s night dinner, I woke up this morning at 3:30 excited for our adventure. I dressed in layers and slipped into my very dirty trail running shoes before heading down to Renaud’s flat to meet him.

As soon as I saw him I started to second guess my decision. First of all he was wearing running tights and compression socks. This may not seem odd to anyone else but in my year of running with him, through even colder conditions, I’ve never seen him in more than technical shorts. He said the socks would help keep the snow out of his shoes which made perfect sense. As an owner of two pairs of compression socks I realized that would have been a smart layer to add to my outfit. But, at this point it was too late and we were on our way to the Saleve. Renaud spent a few minutes before we started preparing our gear and adjusting headlamps for each of us.

Even as we started running the mile towards the trail head at 5am I was still bursting with excitement. I couldn’t wait to conquer a new challenge and the endorphins which would follow.  As we crossed the bridge over the interstate I started to process just how dark it was on the sidewalks, already realizing how dark it would be on the trail.

Even with the headlamp every step on the trail made me worried and uneasy. A rocky switch back trail which goes up the Saleve for about 2.5 miles, this portion normally takes me around an hour. An hour of avoiding the streams running down the trail due to melting snow, avoiding rocks and uneven ground, and fearing a slip suddenly didn’t seem fun. My endorphins wanted me to be able to achieve this and complete the challenge in one piece but I didn’t feel ready. I was scared of the dark and what each step would bring. Renaud is a seasoned runner who has numerous ultra marathons which find him running through all hours of the day. The Saleve trail is like an old friend to him who he knows inside and out. For me, it’s still very new and within twenty minutes I knew proceeding wasn’t smart. Uttering the words “I’m heading back” were heart crushing for me as I felt like I was disappointing myself and Renaud. But, as soon as he agreed and didn’t try to convince me differently I knew he must have been thinking the same thing. He had no idea how icy or technical the top areas or decent would be and in the dark it would all be made more difficult. So with my “tail between my legs” I headed back down the trail solo and ran the 3.7 miles back to my flat from the Saleve. At that point, as I exited the trail head, I was as far away from Monday’s trail running high as possible.

I didn’t get to play on the mountain top and capture amazing pictures with Renaud this morning but I still felt an endorphin rush when I hopped in the shower at 5:55 having already completed 5 miles including some hills. I already started progressing back up the running roller coaster heading back towards happiness. I know that eventually, whether it’s a few months or a few years from now, I’ll tackle the trail with Renaud in the darkness and enjoy the incredible views like he saw this morning and captured in the above picture. But for now, I’m content to plan another lunch time trail run and conquer the Saleve in the daylight.

For me running has been an evolution these past 7 years. This morning I realized that if I want to fall in love with trail running the way I have with running I need to take it in small increments or baby steps. I can’t go from daytime trail running novice to tackling technical runs in the complete dark. That’s just plain silly.

What lessons have you learned over the years through your sport of choice?