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One Year Later: What We Learned During A Year of Parenthood

I still can’t believe that this morning, when Katie wakes up, we will sing Happy Birthday to her and begin celebrating her FIRST birthday.

It has been such a joy being her parents and while there have of course been challenges along the way, it has been the best year of our life.

Last night during dinner, Bo and I reflected on a few of our favorite moments and what we’ve learned along the way. Please keep in mind that the below is only based on our experience and perspective. Every child, parent and family is unique. My experience is based on that with a partner and my heart goes out to those who do it alone as I have so much respect and awe for all that you carry on your shoulders. Your child is blessed and so lucky to have you!

What We’ve Learned

  • Babies are resilient. The first few weeks that she was home, we worried non-stop about everything and anything. As the year has progressed, we’ve both evolved to a parenting style that is far more relaxed in certain aspects. Our pediatrician told us that “babies are sent home with first time parents every single day” which helped us realize that we weren’t the only ones on a steep learning curve.
  • Be forgiving to yourself and others. You can easily beat yourself up about almost every aspect of parenthood. The guilt can start as early as the birth experience or pregnancy and continue as you find your rhythm as a parent. So many things will challenge you along the way – nursing, schedules, their health, work life balance, your new routine – that it is easy to find yourself in a trap. The best thing that Bo and I have been able to do this year is to forgive each other for the hiccups along the way, learn from them and give ourselves and our loved one’s grace.
  • Support your support system. I can’t imagine this past year alone. Bo has truly been my partner and support system every step of the way. But, we can’t be there fore Katie or each other if we are drained and our “cup is empty.”  Make sure to support and encourage each other to take time away to refresh and energize whether that is a weekly workout class, music lesson, long walk or time with friends. Keep in mind that your support system often goes beyond your partner. It can include grandparents, care takers and others.
  • Parenting is 10x harder without team work. Bo and I communicate more than ever before. We have to plan time to connect and talk about our work weeks, social engagements, internal and external stressors and our concerns. There have been two major “speed bumps” during the past year and those both came when we’d stopped connecting and talking. We were out of sync and not working as a team.  Luckily, our schedules allow us to spend the mornings together and this is when we typically connect. We will review what is on our mind, whether it is something causing us anxiety like a work deadline or something bringing us joy. We share a calendar that has EVERY single event in it from conference calls to workout dates. We have all of Katie’s appointments, leaps, milestones and reminders in that calendar as well so we are aware and prepared. We check in via text a few times during every work day just to make sure plans haven’t changed. Since I work from home, we are lucky that I can take Katie to nanny share and pick her up most days without any issue. But, when I travel or I have meetings that force our schedule to change, we work through this by planning not only with each other but also our nanny and family, who often steps in to help. Both our parents have been a large part of the team work as they’ve sacrificed their personal schedules to step in and help last minute. While we typically pay for their flights from Savannah to New York, it still takes time out of their personal lives and schedule to help us balance work and Katie. We are so thankful for their support this year. You all know that we do not have family immediately in the New York area but we are lucky to have family in Southern New Jersey who would always be here in case of emergency and friends locally who have evolved into friends who feel like family. Whether it is family, friends, co-workers or people in your “mom-tribe” bring those people into your circle of team work and thank them constantly.
  • Make 20 copies of your key. Okay, this is a bit of an exaggeration, but we’ve had a few instances when we needed a spare key and were left high and dry. A year later, we’ve realized that the best option for us seems to be to have two spare keys in lock boxes, 3-4 close friends with a spare key, a spare key at our office and with our nanny. We also have realized that it would be very convenient to make a key chain for each sets of the parents or guests and have it in the spare bedroom to welcome them along with their towels and toiletries.
  • Realize that everything is a phase. Every single aspect of Katie’s first year has been a phase – the newborn state, the sleepless nights, the colds, the teething, the clingy phase – you name it. Keeping this in mind for both the good things and tough things definitely help keep things in perspective and make you savor those chest naps, cuddles and smiles.
  • Focus on what is best for OUR FAMILY, not others.  Parenthood is no different than the rest of life – it is easy to fall into the comparison trap. Over the past year I’ve actually found myself in a better place than before.  Every child is different and every parent and family is unique.
  • You will never regret the time you spend with your child. Neither of us have regretted the time we’ve invested in Katie. Whether it’s rescheduling a social engagement, putting our phones and distractions away or delaying a morning workout for some extra play time or cuddles it has always been worth it.
  • Find a babysitter sooner versus later. We have been able to enjoy one evening away each month to focus on our relationship and this would not be possible without a network of babysitters. It seems like most of my more experienced parent friends say that 3 reliable baby sitters is the magic number as inevitably a few of them will always be booked or have other plans when you text.  We found our baby sitters through friends and the local Brooklyn parent Facebook group.  Also, plan your date nights or time away in advance versus waiting for when you feel you need to get away. If you wait, it’ll often be too late and no one will be available.

I’ll be back later to share some pictures from the year as well as our birthday celebrations!

In the meantime, here are a few of the most popular posts about Katie this year:

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February Reflections

February Reflections

Happy Monday!

Once again, I’m checking in with you guys to provide an update on the goals I made for myself at the beginning ofthe year. Unlike January, which dragged on FOREVER, February flew by due to a shorter month, family visits and lots of business travel.  Thanks to these goals though, I was able to finish the month feeling pretty good, though as always, there was room for improvement.

In order to help keep myself accountable of the goals I made for the year, I want to take time to REFLECT at the close of each month. Historically, I’ve had a hard time keeping track of goals or resolutions because often I would chose them at the beginning of the year, share them and then rarely think about them again. In fact, the only times I’ve found success working towards goals is when I carve out time to reflect.  Here, my friends, is where I stand so far.

1) Disconnect more –  My life has changed so much over the past few years. I used to spend at least an hour each evening and a few hours each weekend dedicating time to blogging and working on social media. These days, due to the demands of my job and role as a mom, I’m finding that I can barely motivate myself to get on social media for even 15 minutes a day to engage and catch up, much less write a blog post. So instead of focusing on how much time I’m spending online, I’m trying to spend the “right” time which means not multi-tasking while with friends or family and instead dedicating time when I can and make the most of it by engaging with my favorite fellow bloggers, on my favorite platform (Instagram) and cracking away at requested blog posts. I really enjoy sharing daily updates via Instastories and find that this is also my preferred way of connecting with other bloggers as I enjoy seeing a glimpse into their days.

2) Run a 5k, 10k & half – I ran and loved every moment of the NYRR Al Gordon Brooklyn 4 mile race and have already signed up for two more – NYRR Queens 10k and the NYCRuns Prospect Park 5k.  The NYRR Queens 10k in June is part of Zoe’s bachelorette festivities and will therefore be a fun run enjoyed with friends and multiple photo stops. On the other hand, my initial thinking for the Prospect Park 5k is to see what my body can do at that point and run as fast as possible. I’m hoping that one of my running friends will join for the race and brunch date afterwards! 

NYRR Al Gordon Brooklyn 4 Miler

3)Survive a 90 min or double Flywheel Sports class on our Flywheel Fly Anywhere bike –  While work schedules, frigid weather, Katie’s cold and travel made it tough to stick with a regular workout routine, I was still able to squeeze in 8 spin classes last month including 1 45-minute, 6 30-minute and 2 20-minute classes. My goal this month is to do at least 60-minute classes as I know that longer class will require both mental and physical strength while also helping me increase my cardiovascular stamina! 

4) Continue reading each night –   I kept up with this goal by reading magazines and books before bed each night. I read Runner’s World and HEALTH magazine on a monthly basis in addition to the books I track on Goodreads. Last month I read Little Fires Everywhere which I LOVED, The Light We Lost which I sped through in one weekend and then started Eleanor Oliphant is Just Fine. What magazines do you read on a regular basis? 

5) Practice yoga once a month – Wow this one was a HUGE fail last month as I didn’t take a single yoga class. By the end of the month I could feel the pressure and tightness in my body and was craving yoga in a big way. Based on how my body felt, I’ve already taken two yoga classes during the first 2 weeks of March! 

6) Blog two times a week – This has been harder than expected and I only blogged five times during February and am frustrated that I left six drafts unfinished.  I have so many topics on my iPhone list AND I get constant requests from you all, that my lack of posting isn’t due to a lack of inspiration or ideas. While I finally shared Katie’s favorite foods and our journey into solid foods, I continue to have anxiety when pushing POST on family posts. There is so much mom shaming that takes place on the internet that part of me wants to abandon sharing our life as a family and focus on running and health & wellness. But, that wouldn’t be a true reflection of my life now, so instead, I’m going to try and focus my energy into blog posts versus wasting it on anxiety over strangers’ opinions. My goal for March is to share Katie’s 9-month update and share a glimpse into our morning and evening routine, as inspired by Julia’s post. 

7) Invest in my relationship with Bo – We enjoyed our monthly date night with dinner at Claro, a new Mexican restaurant in Brooklyn thanks to our amazing babysitter & friend Heather. In addition, we made a conscious effort to have dinner at the dining room table more often and spend our dinner time talking about our days and catching up versus rushing through dinner or watching television while we eat. 

This month, my goals are primarily focused on quality engagement on the blog and social media and prioritizing yoga and strength/HIIT training since these are workouts that don’t seem to happen as often as spinning and running. 

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International Women’s Day

 

Good morning! Today we are going to change gears a bit. I had a post planned which shared some of my travel essentials that are packed in my carry-on bag and stowed above my head during today’s flight from New York to San Francisco.

mom rusty and ash

But then, as I read Grace’s post, I was inspired to share some thoughts with you all today in honor of International Women’s Day.   I am thankful for the strong women in my family who have shaped and inspired me for over 30 years. These four women are radically different from each other and therefore shaped and molded me in their own way.

    • Mom – My mother worked night shifts as a neonatal nurse in order to have more time with us while we were growing up. Even though she worked four, ten-hour shifts per week she made my brother and I her priority – never missing a chorus performance, awards ceremony or birthday. She proved that a working mother could also be engaged in her family. I realize now, as I grow older, just how much she sacrificed for us during these years as night shift can wreak havoc on one’s body. Her caring and nurturing heart, helped me develop a softer and more loving side when I needed it most.  She also taught me that with hard work, anything was possible.
    • My Aunts – Each of my three aunts, while very different and unique, impacted my childhood by helping me see the world and inspiring me to aspire for my dreams. My Aunt Rusty worked in one of the largest investment banks in New York City back in the 1980s when women were rarely seen in this environment. She stood up for her beliefs and rights as a female, exposing me to the trials and tribulations females faced in the professional world. Within our family, my Aunt Annamay is the woman who is impassioned to support those who were born with less. Years of teaching English as a second language in an Arizona border town has allowed her to share with me and my family the difficulties so many people face each day and remind us how much we have in our lives. My Aunt Linda inspired me with her passion for shaping children’s lives as a school principal.

I am not sure whether it is because of the recent press or the fact that I am currently carrying a tiny baby girl who will enter the world in June, but this year more than ever, women’s empowerment has been on my mind. I’ve had many discussions with friends, family, and co-workers about this topic over the past four months.  The wonderful thing about these discussions is that I have learned something from each of them. Living in New York City has provided me with the opportunity to become close with friends and colleagues who are very different than me.  I love that these differences mean that our views often do not align, nor do the way we share our views with the world. But, this difference in opinion, has also inspired me.

I shared, via an email with a relative recently, that I personally don’t believe that marches, boycotts and countless phone calls to government officials, is the only way to show support for today’s women.  I firmly believe that we can each take action in ways that are just as unique as each us. So while I may not have images of me at one of the many Women’s Marches on my social media feed, I thought today was a perfect day to share my thoughts on a few ways any woman can be a strong woman in today’s world while supporting others. 

working for it

Invest in the future by mentoring young women. This year I have made the decision to invest time mentoring women both personally and professionally. Through my alma mater, The University of Georgia, and my company, Procter & Gamble, I have had the opportunity to work with four incredible women as they forge their paths into the workforce.

Focus on supporting women versus competing with them. I learned a long time ago, that the comparison trap is an evil place to live. Regardless how hard you work to climb the professional ladder, how much you train or how many different filters you layer in Instagram; within moments someone will come along who is climbs faster, gets results faster or receives more likes and engagement. It is easy to fall prey to the numbers game and spend hours comparing yourself but over the past year,  I have found that I gain much more by supporting women. Sometimes this means finding happiness for that friend who is promoted faster, celebrating a friend’s half marathon PR after you have a horrible race or sending a quick note to someone who needs it most.  

NEW Women

Find your support network and nurture it. Over the past year, as I’ve come in contact with women who feel toxic or don’t support other women, I do my best to create a distance. Whether it is unfollowing them on social media, disassociating with them in the workplace or not meeting with them again, I believe that we are responsible for doing our best to surround ourselves with people who inspire and support us. Some people call this their tribe or girl gang. Whatever the word, find the network of women who uplift you most. I am so thankful to have seven women, whom I call mentors or friends, within my company that inspire me on a daily basis. These women have advocated on my behalf, helped me navigate through office politics and been there to high five and celebrate the wins over the years. Though they live across the country, they have proven multiple times that they are just a phone call, email or text message away. Depending on the size of your company or office, it may be difficult to find many women but even one can make a difference. Once you find them, make sure to nurture the relationship by ensuring it is a two-way street.  In my personal life,  I have realized that my friend groups and circles have evolved over the years due in part to our time abroad as well as changing life stages. While giving my friend addresses for baby shower invites, I realized that there are women in my life now that have made a huge impact in a short time while others have unfortunately fallen out of the circle. While I don’t harbor negative feelings towards those that I’m no longer close with, I have made a conscious effort to nurture the friendships that are most important to me at this point in my life. This year that has meant traveling to Iowa to see dear college friends, connecting via email, phone, and text with friends who aren’t local and continuing to be the organizer and planner for those that live in New York City.

Remember that your actions speak louder than words. While it is wonderful to advocate for women in ways that are personally meaningful to you, remember that it is not what you write on a Facebook post or piece of paper that speaks the loudest. Instead, it is the way you carry yourself and serve as a role model 365 days a year.  Wherever you are, there is someone watching you and she could be an easily influenced teenager or a lost 30-year-old. Just because something isn’t shared on social media doesn’t mean it didn’t happen or come out of your mouth. Let us learn from example and choose our words and actions wisely.

I only hope that my daughter has the opportunity to see and experience the world from a similar vantage point that I did. Realizing from an early age that thanks to the support and hard work by the women who came before her, she can enjoy the right to vote, freedom to choose and equal opportunity school and workplace that allows her to thrive and grow.

I would love to hear your thoughts in honor of International Women’s Day. How do you show your support?

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