Back in July, I talked about how striving for healthy had left me exhausted over the past few years. What I didn’t realize at the time was that it wasn’t just the my training schedules and workouts that were leaving me exhausting and zapping my energy. Beyond this, it was the constant jam-packed professional, personal and blog calendar that I set for myself on a weekly basis. Since I wrote that post, I have made a concerted effort to think twice before making commitments. But sometimes, having the ability to say no is different than actually practicing it.
For years, I was the yes girl. Happy to be included and invited, I said yes to everything for fear of not being invited again in the future. The crazy thing, this was relevant for both professional, personal and blog commitments. Double booked? I didn’t let that become an issue. Instead, I would figure a way to make it to both commitments, even if that meant traveling across town just to say hi for a few minutes. I thought this effort and brief face time was better than declining. But, I found that I wasn’t able to be fully present. I was stressed, exhausted and burnt out from this cycle of over-commitment.
During August and September, I did a great job saying no thank you, rescheduling or reorganizing commitments so that I was allowed breathing room – those evenings each week to relax and invest in myself, family, friends, and Bo.
This week, as if to remind me to stay the course and learn an expensive lesson from my prior ways, I have “wasted” $350 on commitment costs. Some of these were booked as early as March, well ahead of the time I reached my tipping point. Guilty about “throwing money away” I considered keeping each event on my calendar. While I could physically attend each of them, I knew, deep down they wouldn’t bring me happiness, pleasure or fulfillment. This question may make me seem selfish or self-centered. But, I’ve found that by asking these questions before making commitments I create space in my life so that I am able to bring others happiness by fully engaging – whether during a coffee date, run, business meeting or girls weekend.
As I read this article, shared on Facebook by Liz Barnet, I released the guilt and changed my mindset. The sunk cost of these commitments was just a reinforcement and lesson in the opportunity cost of commuting too early and often. I need to focus on making fewer commitments or I will never change this habit I developed over the past ten years. Spending time and making plans with friends should be enjoyable, not something that causes stress. But, in today’s connected world, we have larger networks, as Kathryn Ebner pointed out in the article. I never understood why friends would say “I need to wait and see” when receiving an invite months in advance but now I get it. We can’t control family, work, and personal demands so if we fill all our “free time” months in advance we aren’t giving ourselves the freedom and flexibility to ebb and flow with life’s demands.
What are your thoughts on planning ahead? Do you over commit or under commit? As I continue to grow and evolve in this area, I would love your tips!
