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One Year Later: What We Learned During A Year of Parenthood

I still can’t believe that this morning, when Katie wakes up, we will sing Happy Birthday to her and begin celebrating her FIRST birthday.

It has been such a joy being her parents and while there have of course been challenges along the way, it has been the best year of our life.

Last night during dinner, Bo and I reflected on a few of our favorite moments and what we’ve learned along the way. Please keep in mind that the below is only based on our experience and perspective. Every child, parent and family is unique. My experience is based on that with a partner and my heart goes out to those who do it alone as I have so much respect and awe for all that you carry on your shoulders. Your child is blessed and so lucky to have you!

What We’ve Learned

  • Babies are resilient. The first few weeks that she was home, we worried non-stop about everything and anything. As the year has progressed, we’ve both evolved to a parenting style that is far more relaxed in certain aspects. Our pediatrician told us that “babies are sent home with first time parents every single day” which helped us realize that we weren’t the only ones on a steep learning curve.
  • Be forgiving to yourself and others. You can easily beat yourself up about almost every aspect of parenthood. The guilt can start as early as the birth experience or pregnancy and continue as you find your rhythm as a parent. So many things will challenge you along the way – nursing, schedules, their health, work life balance, your new routine – that it is easy to find yourself in a trap. The best thing that Bo and I have been able to do this year is to forgive each other for the hiccups along the way, learn from them and give ourselves and our loved one’s grace.
  • Support your support system. I can’t imagine this past year alone. Bo has truly been my partner and support system every step of the way. But, we can’t be there fore Katie or each other if we are drained and our “cup is empty.”  Make sure to support and encourage each other to take time away to refresh and energize whether that is a weekly workout class, music lesson, long walk or time with friends. Keep in mind that your support system often goes beyond your partner. It can include grandparents, care takers and others.
  • Parenting is 10x harder without team work. Bo and I communicate more than ever before. We have to plan time to connect and talk about our work weeks, social engagements, internal and external stressors and our concerns. There have been two major “speed bumps” during the past year and those both came when we’d stopped connecting and talking. We were out of sync and not working as a team.  Luckily, our schedules allow us to spend the mornings together and this is when we typically connect. We will review what is on our mind, whether it is something causing us anxiety like a work deadline or something bringing us joy. We share a calendar that has EVERY single event in it from conference calls to workout dates. We have all of Katie’s appointments, leaps, milestones and reminders in that calendar as well so we are aware and prepared. We check in via text a few times during every work day just to make sure plans haven’t changed. Since I work from home, we are lucky that I can take Katie to nanny share and pick her up most days without any issue. But, when I travel or I have meetings that force our schedule to change, we work through this by planning not only with each other but also our nanny and family, who often steps in to help. Both our parents have been a large part of the team work as they’ve sacrificed their personal schedules to step in and help last minute. While we typically pay for their flights from Savannah to New York, it still takes time out of their personal lives and schedule to help us balance work and Katie. We are so thankful for their support this year. You all know that we do not have family immediately in the New York area but we are lucky to have family in Southern New Jersey who would always be here in case of emergency and friends locally who have evolved into friends who feel like family. Whether it is family, friends, co-workers or people in your “mom-tribe” bring those people into your circle of team work and thank them constantly.
  • Make 20 copies of your key. Okay, this is a bit of an exaggeration, but we’ve had a few instances when we needed a spare key and were left high and dry. A year later, we’ve realized that the best option for us seems to be to have two spare keys in lock boxes, 3-4 close friends with a spare key, a spare key at our office and with our nanny. We also have realized that it would be very convenient to make a key chain for each sets of the parents or guests and have it in the spare bedroom to welcome them along with their towels and toiletries.
  • Realize that everything is a phase. Every single aspect of Katie’s first year has been a phase – the newborn state, the sleepless nights, the colds, the teething, the clingy phase – you name it. Keeping this in mind for both the good things and tough things definitely help keep things in perspective and make you savor those chest naps, cuddles and smiles.
  • Focus on what is best for OUR FAMILY, not others.  Parenthood is no different than the rest of life – it is easy to fall into the comparison trap. Over the past year I’ve actually found myself in a better place than before.  Every child is different and every parent and family is unique.
  • You will never regret the time you spend with your child. Neither of us have regretted the time we’ve invested in Katie. Whether it’s rescheduling a social engagement, putting our phones and distractions away or delaying a morning workout for some extra play time or cuddles it has always been worth it.
  • Find a babysitter sooner versus later. We have been able to enjoy one evening away each month to focus on our relationship and this would not be possible without a network of babysitters. It seems like most of my more experienced parent friends say that 3 reliable baby sitters is the magic number as inevitably a few of them will always be booked or have other plans when you text.  We found our baby sitters through friends and the local Brooklyn parent Facebook group.  Also, plan your date nights or time away in advance versus waiting for when you feel you need to get away. If you wait, it’ll often be too late and no one will be available.

I’ll be back later to share some pictures from the year as well as our birthday celebrations!

In the meantime, here are a few of the most popular posts about Katie this year:

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The Days Are Long But The Years Are Short

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During those first few exhausting but magical weeks after Katie was born, many people reminded that “the days are long, but the years are short.” Becoming a mother is such a gift, but it comes with so many unknowns. Luckily, the joy and tender moments that began in those first weeks have continued and balance out the fear and feeling of being overwhelmed. When Similac asked me to reflect on my time as a parent and share some of the milestone moments that we’ve experienced with Katie as part of this sponsored post, it made me yearn to relive some of these again as they have flown by.

As I’ve mentioned in recent posts, Katie has grown up before our eyes and everything has been a whirl – happening faster than we ever expected. It seems as though one moment we were trying to figure out how to give Katie her first bath and the next we were trying to keep her from standing up in the bath.

In order to ensure that we don’t forget all the special moments, we’ve done our best to document these firsts as much as possible through pictures, blog posts, special calendars and baby books. While many of the memories and words that I’ve written in these books are personal, and something that I look forward to sharing with Katie when she’s older, here are a few “first and only” moments that we’ve experienced over the past ten months.

  • Holding Katie in our arms

I was still in disbelief that after years of talking about have a family of our own and months of planning, our blessing was finally in our arms.

  • Nursing

I remember sitting in the cold hospital bed, so clueless and confused, cradling Katie in my arms, while praying that she would naturally latch to my breast and not cry. Those first few nursing sessions in the hospital were stressful but seemed successful. It wasn’t until a few days later, at our first pediatrician visit, that we realized I didn’t have enough milk supply to keep our growing girl fed. Regardless of how difficult those first few days and weeks were due to insufficient glandular tissue, I do not regret the three months I dedicated to nursing Katie.

  • Milk drunk naps

That sweet smile and look of contentment that was frequently on Katie’s face when she’d fall asleep in our arms during or after a feeding session made me feel such joy and appreciation. I felt such a great appreciation for the support of friends, family and especially our pediatrician who immediately recommended that we use Similac to supplement my breast milk upon realizing that, due to insufficient glandular tissue, all the lactation cookies, supplements and pumping wouldn’t result in enough milk to keep Katie nourished. Similac has been a wonderful fit for our family since that first week as it is easy to find both online and locally and it is the first and only leading infant formula brand with no artificial growth hormones. Similac’s dairy ingredients come from cows that have not been treated with artificial growth hormones.* My mom who is a neonatal nurse also recommends Similac since she knows that they are focused on research and innovation that focuses on bringing the best ingredients possible to the baby. In fact, did you know that Similac is the first brand to include 2′-FL Human Milk Oligosaccharide** in the formula, an ingredient that was previously only found in breast milk? Similac with 2′-FL HMO helps strengthen baby’s immune system to be more like the breastfed infant than ever before. Now moms can feel reassured that their babies will get even more of the important nutrients to strengthen and support their growing immune systems. We’ve been using Similac Pro-Sensitive for the past few months and love that it is gentle and has helped with her gas and spit-up.

Visit the Similac Sisterhood of Motherhood Savings Club, where you can subscribe to monthly delivery at an average savings of 20% and learn more.

 

  • Smiles

For those first few weeks of parenthood, you give so much to this small person but do not get any confirmation or affirmation. That first smile, even though it was barely a full smile, brought tears to my eyes.

  • Finding her voice.

I remember texting Bo a video while he was at work saying that one of Jurassic Park’s dinosaurs was loose in our home. When Katie discovered her voice and the high pitch squeak she was able to make, she wouldn’t stop. As if the sound amazed her, she would do it constantly throughout the day whether I was near her or while she was napping. Luckily, like so many things with babies, it was a phase that passed quickly.

  • Introducing solids

We were so excited to start giving Katie solids that I remember we specifically planned to do it when Bo and I could both be there to experience the fun and mess. Seeing her curiosity and expression after trying a new food perfectly reflects Katie’s personality – curious, thoughtful, and happy.

  • Learning to splash

Even at a young age, Katie loved bath time. We always do bath time right before her last bottle and it is the perfect transition from our evening playtime to the calm of bedtime. Around the time she was five months old, Katie started splashing and enjoying the water so much that she would get upset when we started putting the toys away and drying her after bath time. That first night, when she finally responded to my splashes, was such a treat. Even though I was quickly covered in water, she refused to stop and giggled and smiled for the next few minutes while she kept splashing. Needless to say, these days bath time is a 15-20 minute activity in our household.

  • Standing up

These days Katie is constantly on the move and pushing her body to do new things each day. Lately, standing up assisted by either furniture or people, makes her smile and giggle. I’m not sure if it’s the new perspective or just her satisfaction with this new accomplishment but that smile warms my heart.

  • Interacting with nature

After a long cold weather, it was so special to spend time in the park with Katie last weekend. While we had to watch her every move, seeing her reach for flowers, dig in the dirt and watch the birds was such a joy!

Disclaimer:  Breastfeeding is the gold standard for infant nutrition. For moms who cannot or choose not to breastfeed, formula can be used. Talk to your pediatrician about what type of infant formula is best for your child.

Legal Disclaimer: **No significant difference has been shown between milk derived from rbST-treated and non-rbST- treated cows)  *Not from human milk

Thank you to Similac for sponsoring this post. As always, all opinions are my own.

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Katie’s Nine Month Update

I can’t believe that Katie is already nine months old. The past few months have flown by faster than I could have ever imagined. Between going back to work and the holiday season I feel like the past few months have been a blur. I want to do a better job of capturing these memories so these monthly updates are going to be a priority.

So much changed this month as she mastered the art of crawling and has become fearless. I remember when we used to be able to set her down on her activity mat while she laid there, barely moving.  These days, we can’t take our eyes off of her or she’ll quickly move off the activity mat to the curtains, stairs, or other tempting area of the house. Luckily, my parents are here this weekend and are going to help us quickly childproof the home since she has started moving faster than we expected! You can imagine my face when I saw her suddenly go from crawling to climbing the stairs.

So, looking back, what transpired last month?

  • Moving EVERYWHERE – During February she started rocking back and forth, showing us that she was interested in crawling. But, the evolution from rocking to army crawl took a while and then, overnight she went from army crawl to actual crawling. She moves very quickly, especially when she’s barefoot or not on a slippery surface like her activity mat.
  • Standing – She is happiest when she is standing, slowly experimenting with walking. She has learned to pull herself up using either us, the sofa or our new ottoman as a brace. Once she is standing she bravely moves side to side, constantly looking up at whoever is in the room with a huge smile. She is so proud of herself.
  • Flu and croup – We thought we had escaped flu season and winter without any serious illnesses in our family. While she’d had a few minor colds which each lasted a few days, last month she suffered from the flu for six days. When she was up during the night coughing constantly and having difficulty breathing, we took her to urgent care after a number of recommended actions didn’t help her symptoms such as elevating the crib, steam shower, rubbing her chest and bottoms of her feet with Zarbee’s Naturals Baby Chest Rub.  Based on symptoms, on Sunday morning they diagnosed her with croup and gave her a steroid to avoid further complications. But, on Tuesday afternoon when she had a high grade fever, we went back and her pediatrician immediately recognized the symptoms as flu – high fever, congestion, glassy eyes, lethargic, and fussy disposition.  Luckily a few days of rest, cuddles, extra hydration and Tamiflu helped her feel better within a few days.
  • Kisses – While Katie hasn’t said any words yet or mastered the art of waving, she did give me the most amazing kiss on the lips the other night. She’s done at a few times since then it and make my heart melt every time!

Schedule 

As I mentioned in a previous post, we have introduced solids over the past few months and now Katie is enjoying solids three times per day.

  • 7:15 AM Wake Up and cuddles
  • 7:20 AM Bottle #1 (7 ounces of Similac Sensitive OptiGRO formula)
  • 7:30 AM Upstairs playtime while we get ready for work
  • 8 AM Solids + Water in Sippy Cup (Usually yogurt, fruit, cheese, avocado, or eggs)
  • 8:25 AM Leave house for nanny share
  • 8:30 AM Playtime at nanny share
  • 9:15 -9:30 AM Nap #1
  • 11:15 AM Wake up and Bottle #2 (7-8 ounces)
  • 12 PM Solids + Water in Sippy Cup (Usually a mix of proteins and vegetables such as Edamame, Broccoli & Avocado or Green Chicken Quinoa followed by some fruit)
  • 12:15 PM Playtime/Park/Walk
  • 1:15-1:30 PM Nap #2
  • 3:15 PM Wake up and Bottle #3 (7-8 ounces)
  • 4 PM Solids + Water in Sippy Cup (Usually very similar to the 12PM meal)
  • 4:15 PM Playtime/Park/Walk
  • 5:00 PM Catnap if needed (Typically less than once a week does Katie show signs of needing a 20-30 minute catnap)
  • 5:30 PM Pickup from nanny share and walk home
  • 5:45 PM Playtime at home with lots of reading, crawling and standing practice, dancing and playing downstairs
  • 6:45 PM Naked Baby Time (We have programmed our Google Home device so that when we say Hey Google It’s Naked Baby Time it says “Sleep well Katie” and then dims the lights and turns on the sound machine in her nursery. We walk her upstairs and undress her and transition into a soft, quiet mode ensuring that we help set the mode for sleep.)
  • 6:50 PM Bath Time (Katie absolutely loves her nightly bath and is in love with these bath toys which she plays with in the tub and we use to continue teaching her colors, textures and animals. We put this bath mat in the bottom of the tub this month which allows her to sit and play more securely without the risk of slipping.  We are currently using and loving Burt’s Bees Baby Shampoo and Body Wash.)
  • 7 PM Bottle #4 (7-8 ounces)
  • 7:10 PM Rocking and reading 1-2 books before putting Katie in her crib with 2 of her Wubbanub pacifiers as she now sucks on one and cuddles the other

Favorite Things

  • Teething Toy and Medicine – It seems odd to call this a favorite thing but this all-natural teething relief has helped with teething pain tremendously as Katie now has four teeth and has found great relief from just 1 dose of this before bed. While we introduced the Munch Mit originally back in December, she had very little interest in it. These days, she will happily gnaw on it while she’s in the stroller as we walk to and from nanny share.
  • V-Tech Busy Learners Activity Cube – We have tried to only introduce a new toy to Katie every other week or so which has allowed her Christmas gifts to bring continuous joy and surprise to her for months afterwards. This week we introduced this fun activity cube as a way to keep her occupied and entertained in the morning while Bo and I both try and get ready for work. She has enjoyed using it to push herself up to standing, play with the moving pieces and push the different buttons.
  • Puppets –  Soft, cuddly and creative creatures provide easy interaction for adult and infant anywhere and any time! While we only have two so far (Peter Rabbit and a bear) I am sure we will be buying more soon as playing and watching puppets is one of her favorite pastimes.
  • Pout Pout Fish – I discovered this book when searching for a few new books on Amazon and I can understand why it is rated so high. The colorful illustrations, sweet lesson and gentle rhyming has made it a favorite book for during the day or calming down before bed.
  • Carters – While we have a few special outfits from Jacadi, Lilly Pulitzer and Smocking Hot Mommas resale site on Facebook, 90% of the time Katie is wearing cotton basics from Carters.com or the Carter’s outlets. You can’t beat their prices for the quality especially when you consider how quickly Katie is growing. She is currently wearing 12M clothing but based on her height, she’ll soon be in 18M! These outfits have been our favorite so far – bears, hearts, and polka dots!

 

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