Today has been one of those days. I found out some really exciting work news which includes a new role but immediately started to doubt myself. Will I be able to handle the roll? How will I manage the work load and my new marriage? How can I be a good wife when I can’t even manage to make dinner for us on a nightly basis? Our evenings have turned into relaxing on the couch for an hour while eating sushi from YoYo, a Pax salad, or a bowl of cereal. Maybe it’s because I was raised in a family where my mom was able to provide this for our family every night but I have a level of expectation for myself that right now I just can’t maintain. I feel like a failure in my personal life and that i’m not properly balancing my work and life. The unfortunate thing is that this negative energy has a tendancy to infiltrate the rest of my life.
“If I don’t have time to cook dinner is it fair to take an hour to invest in myself at the gym?”
”I’ll never be able to run a marathon as I can barely run 15 miles right now.”
Some of this negative energy has kept me from running lately. The past few weeks spinning has been an easier workout because since I had a class looming over my head and that feared Equinox x on the horizon if I missed the class, I always popped out of bed for spin class. Last week I only ran a hand full of miles each time thinking that I wasn’t going fast enough, I wasn’t going far enough, and constantly comparing myself to the people on the surrounding treadmills. After one bad run I decided I’d had it for the week.
Who was this person filled with negative energy? Where was my optimism and excitement?
By Sunday I craved a good run. Maybe it was the monotony of a moving weekend and looking at the same walls and 700 square feet all weekend but I wanted to bust out of the walls and feel the ground or tread beneath my feet. What I needed was a plan and some inspiration.
My plan included a few components:
1) I decided that I would treat running like a workout class. Each day would have a theme.
M: 5 mile tempo run + abs and stretching
T: 3 mile speed run + Body Conditioning class
W: 5 mile intervals + arms
Th: Sweat Cardio Sculpt or Core Fusion class
F: 5 mile tempo run
S: Long run before party prep
2) Each morning would include TWO separate alarms to ensure I didn’t curl back under the covers and hit snooze just because a spin class wasn’t looming.
3) I have returned to watching the news in the morning while I run when on the treadmill. Equinox lets you change the TV channels at your leisure so I can put it on CNBC or the news and catch up on everything before I get to the office. This also takes my mind off the run.
My inspiration included reaching out to fellow runners for some inspiration, catching up with friends to remember who I am and get in touch with those i’m close with, and ensure that Bo and I are on the same wavelength. He was so proud of me tonight and has NO expectations of what I can do right now as a wife other than being his support system and best friend! My dad said it best tonight on the phone,
“ Ash, your mom and I are living the life of leisure right now with an empty nest and even we didn’t cook dinner tonight! Give yourself a break sometimes!”
I love you Dad and you’re right and I think we ALL need to give ourselves a break sometimes. You’re not always going to be the best runner, best employee, best friend, best wife, best daughter, or best blogger. Sometimes we’ll forget an email or comment. Sometimes we’ll have a bad run or a bad day. But you know what? We’re human and sometimes we just have to get in touch with those people that can help ground us and make sure we’re all under the same expectations.
Tomorrow, Meghann, a running diva who knows how to keep a smile on her face during even the hardest runs, will provide us all with some marathon inspiration!
