It’s hard to believe that I have been a “working mom” for over a year and half. The journey has evolved a lot since my first day back. Even though I have a number of working mom role models in my life, including my mom and many of my closest friends, I wasn’t prepared for the anxiety that I experienced.  I remember wondering how I could go from spending all day with Katie to “only” having 3 hours per day with her Monday through Friday. I thought that Katie would forget about me and fall in love with her nanny. I worried that within months of returning to work I would realize I didn’t want to have a career.  Luckily, these feelings only lasted a few weeks before I found my groove and realized the value and impact that I can have by playing both roles – mother and career woman. However, looking back, there are many things that I did in advance of going back to work that helped with the transition but, overall, there are a few things I wish I had done differently.

This picture was taken after my first day back at work. I remember holding her closely and telling her that from this day on the evening hours from 5:30-7pm would be our precious time together. Guess what? These 90 minutes of park laughs and bath time splashes are still the moments I treasure with Katie daily. 

Being a working mom is not for the faint of heart, but it is also an opportunity that I’m so grateful to have. I am able to role model for Katie that a strong, driven, passionate career woman can also be a loving, thoughtful and nurturing mother. It isn’t easy traveling to Arkansas, San Francisco, Cincinnati or China but constant communication and clear expectations with both my work team as well as Bo, has allowed our family and me to thrive. During my first year back at work I traveled an average of two days every other month and now it’s closer to three days per month. While I would always prefer to be with Katie and Bo, I have come to make priority calls on travel in order to ensure that it is worthwhile and make the most of the travel experiences both personally and professionally.

I said yes to the incredible opportunity to travel to China but said no to staying longer and touring the country. 

Last week, when texting with my friend who is going back to work next week, I remembered the anxiety and overwhelming feelings that I experienced when I was in her shoes. In hopes to calm her nerves, I shared a few of my tips with her and then promised that I’d ask my followers for their tips as well.

Spoiler alert – Katie still loves me and has thrived in her nanny share situation. While she has a great nanny whom she loves and talks about, it hasn’t kept her from running towards me each night when I pick her up. 

Here are a few things that I share with friends and co-workers who are returning to work after becoming a parent.

• Feel confident in your child care choice and then, once it is established, have your child start at least a week in advance of when you return to work. Katie only started 1-2 days early and I wished I’d had more time to run errands, relax and prepare.
• Don’t spend a lot of money on your work wardrobe if your body is still evolving, but make sure you invest in a few pieces to give you confidence in your body NOW. Buy a few key pieces that you can feel confident in and then, invest in a few more pieces each month as your body changes. I bought 2 dresses, 2 blouses, 2 pairs of pants and some fun accessories from LOFT and Jcrew Factory before returning to work.  A great, new hair cut  and updated skin care routine or makeup can also help you feel your best.
• Realize that it will take a village – you can’t nor should you try to do it all. Have a two way conversation with your significant other or support system talking about how you’ll manage different scenarios (train delays, illness, work travel, client dinners, etc).
• Ask co-workers for tips. I firmly believe that some of the best advice can come from co-workers who work in your same office as they are aware of the workplace culture, insurance complexities, benefits, etc.
• Read the book The Fifth Trimester and prepare to take notes, nod your head, highlight sections and want to find someone to talk about the topics with immediately. It was a GAME CHANGER and so helpful!
• If you travel for work, talk with your partner or care giver about how you want to stay in touch with your child while traveling. For me, I loved watching Katie sleep and play in her nursery on our NEST camera and then also Facetiming with she and Bo in the morning right when she woke up. However, when grandparents were helping, I didn’t put technology pressure on them and instead asked for a few pictures via text each day. If Katie was with our nanny while I traveled then I asked her to send pictures throughout the day.
• If you travel for work, set boundaries. It’s okay to go back to your room early and enjoying your first night of interrupted sleep. Nourish your body or mind by taking some time for you in between meetings by exercising, reading or doing whatever gives you energy.
• Set expectations with your team if at all possible. For example, when I returned to work, I shared with my manager that I would be fully connected and available from 8:30 AM until 5:30 PM but from 7-8:30 AM and 5:30-7 PM I would be 100% disconnected and invested in my family. After 18 months back at work, I still stick with this schedule and have only once needed to flex and have a meeting during this time due to an urgent client need. Overall, everyone fully supported my “family time.”  Most days I work at least 30 minutes before Katie wakes up and at least 30 minutes in the evening after she goes to sleep, but I have come to really value our morning and evening routine as a family.
• Figure out our plan and expectations as a couple for weeknight dinners.  The routine that has worked well for us is cooking a large meal on Sunday night that will provide leftovers for Monday night. Then we also food prep for Tuesday night dinner which will have leftovers on Wednesday. Most Thursday nights we either defrost something from the freezer, make a large dinner salad using ingredients in our fridge, or pick something up to grill such as turkey burgers and vegetables.

Now that I’ve shared my tips, I wanted to share the very helpful recommendations that followers shared after seeing my Instagram question last Friday. Thank you so much for taking the time to provide feedback as I learned a few new things from you guys and have made note of some that I’ll make sure to share with friends and apply in the future should Bo and I have a second child.

What is the one thing you wish you’d known or done when returning to work after baby?

• @mollylauf: I wish I had read the Fifth Trimester earlier before returning to work. I wish I had started the nanny one week earlier so I could practice the morning routine a few times and had a few days to myself to catch up on appointments. I wish I had listened to more podcasts and read more stories of women in similar roles. I wish I had joined Chairman Mom sooner.
• @bentfish2: Make sure you are 100% comfortable with the child care you have set up and then trust and know that your child will be OK and will likely thrive. Also, enjoy the ability to eat lunch in peace and maybe even get to the gym/workout. After work, put the phone away and just BE with your child and family.
• @cmorey19: I wish I wasn’t so focused on pumping and getting the exact right ounces to leave for my son. We were already supplementing with formula so why did I put so much pressure on myself?
• @stephgerbers: Don’t apologize for needing time to pump or needing a break. Don’t apologize for being tired or overwhelmed.
• @emrcarl: Frozen meals and UberEats are a life saver. Don’t pressure yourself to cook every night.
• @swissclarko: One thing I did and was very glad of was I progressively did the child car handover including a full day before I went back to work. I was able to go to the spa and ran errands but this helped with the transition so the first day at work was easier.
• @drteplinsky: Make sure your child care is flexible at end of day in case you are running late. Pump in the car if you can.
• @kfeldhouse: Don’t jump back in full time for the first few weeks. Do a gradual transition back. Maybe half days the first week, then add a few more hours the second week, then if you’re feeling ready go back full time in week 3.
• @heatherdyetimm: Start back with partial weeks.
• @carly.zhang: The biggest advice I would suggest is taking a lot of time and going with your instict to select the best childcare you feel good about. What I know in hindsight is that working mom life is a great one. I felt fulfilled by work and happier. When I was with my child, I spent more quality time with him.
• @jhro216: I wish I’d felt more okay taking a day off work but still sending my son to daycare. In those early months when I was learning to balance everything, taking a weekday for myself to grocery shop, clean and decompress would have been amazing. I didn’t get into that habit until he was 1.
• @susie22salcetti: Plan ahead as much as you can in the evenings to minimize the scramble to get out the door in the morning.
• @atthewood: Start daycare/nanny a week early so you have time to get used to it and be productive before you go back to work.
• @takingback20s: Give yourself time to get back in the groove and don’t worry about a think but yourself and your baby. Working out, healthy eating and top job performance can wait those first few weeks while you adjust. I think a lot of people expect to just pick up where they left off and that’s nearly impossible if you’re sleep deprived.
• @aglasser710: Give yourself some race. I went back expecting work life to be just like it was before baby. It’s not – you’re different and sometimes you need to cut yourself some slack. Take care of yourself and give yourself a break sometimes. You’ll be a much better employee and mom because of it.
• @stephdooley814: Dry shampoo. But in all reality, just know it will get better each day even if it doesn’t seem like it.
• @mca_ali: I wish I’d known that my daughter would be okay and thrive going to daycare and that I would be a better mom having a little space.
• @kbalantekin: Don’t have super high expectations for how much you’ll get done especially if you’re pumping.
• @bananniemcg: I wish I had set more boundaries. My team were great and so flexible but I felt pressure to be super flexible too and working extra hours/evenings just did not work well with having a baby and nursing.
• @lbiz12: Read the book the Fifth Trimester and do a few dry runs of daycare/nanny in advance.
• @emilymstroup: I wish I would’ve started my daughter at daycare a few days before going back to work instead of the same day. I had so much anxiety about how she would do (she did fine) but starting her on the same day gave me anxiety.
• @merwharton: I wish I had taken more time off. I am also glad I made weekends a priority with my family and eased back into my work schedule.
• @ccdrew417: Ease in the first week. Try to go back on a Wednesday or work reduced hours if possible.
• @duddes02: Get an extra pump and leave it at work.
• @emjelosa: Know it is going to be hard, no matter what. Read the Fifth Trimester. Don’t hide or be ashamed if you’re pumping. Really think through and plan your routine and organize your pumping parts and milk. If hiring a nanny, have them start a few days in advance. Have snacks at work to keep your milk supply up in case you can’t go out to grab snacks. Drink lots of water. Get the Elvie pump as it’s super helpful. Know your baby will not forget about you. Keep telling yourself that you are setting a good example of a powerful, independent women for your baby.  Don’t feel guilty if you get busy and don’t think about your baby every minute of the day. Weekends are sacred. Quality time with your baby over quantity. Bring pictures to work so you don’t have to pull your phone out while working.
• @brittney_ac: Don’t stress about sleep/naps at daycare/nanny as they will figure it out.
• @caseshan21: I was surprised that some people didn’t ask about my baby and they have kids.
• @gretchenfox: Don’t rush back in too fast and burn out.
• @melissakate_hanson: Set expectations with partner and boss for handling the inevitable sick days.
• @laurfischer: Make your first day back towards the end of the week to ease your way back into work.
• @erindanielson715: Your level of efficiency at work post baby will be better than ever before.
• @shoshanadavis: It’s okay to feel not okay. It one of the hardest things to do.
• @megking25: I wish I’d known that I’d change my mind about going back to work and that would be okay.
• @vtbuker: I wish I’d known to manage my own expectations.
• @skrmaine: Figure out a meal prep system to avoid takeout/unhealthy choices at the end of the day when you’re tired.
• @ellebelleruns: Ask for a modified schedule or part time.
• @chloebirchlerrd: Do a dry-run day care day or two and go do something for YOU. As a working mom, I feel guilty leaving my babe more than a work hours but, use the time if you need it.
• @dawnerswife: There is no rush. Enjoy the baby phase and delay going back or work part time if possible.

What tips would you add to this list?